Frodo's Journey

Today was a rough day. After receiving an email early this morning that caused me to question my friend's willingness to continue on this journey with me, the rest of the day was quite a tailspin. We are just 5 days from Children's Camp. I am excited about camp as always, but there is still lots that needs to be done. It will get done, it always does.

For lunch today, I contacted the friend who wrote the earlier email to see if we coudl get together and chat. I took a longer lunch break then usual but needed to get some things "off my chest." I ended up getting my butt kicked over and over again. She told me "Laura, this is a journey you have to make on your own. No one else can make the journey for you. I don't have the answers to your questions." She compared my journey to that of Frodo's in Lord of the Rings. If you have seen these three movies, you are familar with the storyline of Frodo and Sam trying to make it to Mount Doom to deliever the ring. At the beginning of the first movie, Frodo knows that he must take this ring to Mt. Doom, no one else can take it for him. It was a task that he was chosen to do. Later in the 3rd movie, Frodo finds himself unable to make it up the mountain and Sam (his best friend) tells him "Mr. Frodo, I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." However, at the end Frodo was the one who had to take the ring himself those last steps up the mountain.

My friend posed some extrememly hard questions to me today. She said, "Laura I have/said everything I know to do. I will continue to listen to you and help you sort things out, but you have to continue the journey yourself." I think that's how all of my other friends feel too.

My first reaction to that is, that sucks. It's hard, tiring, messy, and lonely. I told her that I needed people in my corner cheering me on, wiping the blood off my face, and encouraging me to get back out there. I think that's what Sam did for Frodo.

She also said, "Laura I think you have adjusted to life with the struggle so that there is something in you that won't let that struggle go. What are you afraid of if the struggle is not there?" I didn't answer that question. I'm not sure I'm ready to answer that question even now. I told her she was right in that I do know how to live life with the struggle. I've said all along that I don't like the struggle and I don't. I HATE IT! Yet, as much as I don't like it, I find myself there. I guess it boils down to, I know what to do but I won't do it.

Frodo finally made it up the mountain and got rid of the ring. He knew that his life was never going to be the same because of the experience he had, but he did accomplish what he was chosen to do.

When I give up the struggle, I will be able to look back and say that I worked through my struggle, that I made it up the mountain. Right now, thinking of going up the mountain by myself is a very scary thought, but it is what must be done if I am to make it to the top. I just need my friends to listen, support, and pick me up along the way.

So, does this mean I keep things to myself and struggle inwardly? I'm not sure. Maybe there needs to be some balance there. Hum...still working on that one.