To pick up where the previous post left off:
Since the world as I knew it had been turned upside down and I would never again think "that the world is a safe place, full of nice people, positive experiences, and favorable circumstances" so what was/is left?
So for three years, I've been trying to figure out the answer to that question. How does God fit into all of this? Does He fit at all? How could a good God allow something this tragic to happen to such a wonderful family? And on and on and on they went. Even today, some of those questions still swirl around in my head.
My anger towards God stemmed from the thought of "this is not fair" Here is what the author says about life being fair:
"In a perfect world I might never experience tragedy; but neither would I experience grace. To live in a world with grace is better by far than to live in a world of absolute fairness. A world with grace will give us much more than we deserve. It will give us life, even in our suffering."
Grace- the many characteristics of God that we don't deserve especially when the last thing we want to do is pursue a relationship with a God that we don't understand
So do I want to live in a world that is fair or one where there is a God who offers grace? I have finally reached a point where I realize that life is not fair and that bad things happen to good people. It sucks when those bad things do happen, but it is what it is. If I were to live in a fair world, then I would never have the chance to experience God's grace. If this were a fair world, I wouldn't be around to ask hard questions and wrestle with God. While that is indeed frustrating at times I think that eventually the questions will have value, value that wouldn't have been found in a fair world.
Where does God fit in this unfair world? Because the world is unfair, He gives us His grace: His comfort, presence, forgiveness, and peace to make it through those times when the world deals us a blow. He also gives us chance after chance to "do over" whatever it is that we screwed up. He picks us up when we fall, when we can't get up on our own. The question is, what does God ask from us in return?
Through what I have read and listened to recently, it seems that we must approach God through honest prayers, raw emotions, etc... to receive the grace that He has for us. If that is true, I'm not at that point yet. I think that it one of the hardest things about redefining my faith...talking to God when I'm not sure how I feel about Him. Yet "our feelings do not determine what is real, though the feelings themselves are real. We should acknowledge our feelings without treating them as if they are the ultimate truth."
It's so easy to consider my feelings as truth, forgetting the ultimate truths found in Scripture regarding the nature and character of God. I think that is where the problem lies...there is a big difference between what my head knows about God (knowledge of God in the Scriptures) and what my heart, based on feelings, questions about God. Not sure how to align those two seemingly polar opposites.
One thing that does agree with my head and my heart is that "God loved me in my misery, God loved me because I was miserable. Nothing can separate us from his love, not even our inability to love him in return."
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
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4 comments:
Through what I have read and listened to recently, it seems that we must approach God through honest prayers, raw emotions, etc... to receive the grace that He has for us. If that is true,
I believe this is the true meaning and something that has been terribly lost through dogma and works. To me, God desires to be in it with us. I feel that God is bi-pole in His own emotions but His emotions are Holy. We are made in His image so we have emotions as well but these have been squashed down and sometime rather unrighteous but they are there and it is part of what makes us human.
Being human is what we are about as to what it means to be human. I am learning.
your reflections are insightful.
becky
I needed to cry this morning....and your insight touched that place in me that needed touched. THANKS
your last part of your post really hits me where i'm itching. Knowing truth about God as opposed to feeling/experiencing that truth AS truth. My feelings scream different and I am relearning how to let His grace transform me inside out. I so love your writing!! Thank you for reading and commenting at my place. You,becky and a few others sure do help show that light really is there, need to keep journeying to Him, and with Him
I've had sorrow too.
I've struggled over these things.
Though I have come to my own conclusions, I try my best to never judge how others react to their own sorrows.
But...
What I don't understand is...
how can two people who have nearly identical experiences (my wife and I) react so differently?
Why has my faith grown and hers shriveled?
Can it be that I am made for faith and she is not?
Was she given more than she can bear?
Why do I ache and sorrow, yet still see beauty, still love and worship god, and she runs away... seeking solace outside our home?
Sorry... this is probably more than I should have shared.
But... life leads us to big questions, and the answers are often soft whispers.
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