Talking to God

For the last 9 days I have been making a much more conscious effort to be honest with God. Here is what I have learned;
- It's sad that talking to God isn't as easy as it once was.
- Being honest with God about who I see Him to be and my own faith struggles it extremely difficult and takes a lot of effort.
- The last 9 days haven't been "a walk in the park." Just because I am honest with God (or make an attempt to be) doesn't mean that things will be great. This I already knew. I don't expect life to go smoothly all the time.
- I find that my prayers don't follow a specific formula or model, they are as they are. There's nothing neat or pretty about them. My prayers just start and stop at seemingly random places. When I get tired of talking to God about me, I stop.
- I find my mind and my words going back to talking to God about other people and other's needs rather then my own. I have a consciously tell myself to talk to God about me. That's something different to me.
- My prayer's don't sound the same as they used to. They hold much more weight now and aren't taken so lightly as they once were.
- At the end of the day, no matter the type of day I have had, I know that my Father is wanting to talk with me. The choice is, will I talk to Him? Some days, yes. Other days...He's just too close. But I know I am taking steps to come home.