Right now I am typing this post on my brand new Mac computer. It's lots of fun! So far I am enjoying it. I don't understand how it all works but I am going to figure it out. I even bought the book. MacBook for Dummies. So I think that will become a new pastime now...figuring out how to use my mac.
Today was a new day. It was spent as most Wednesday are..working a lot, and hanging out with the kiddos. I did have one family give me a compliment on my ministry, saying that her kids begged her to come tonight even though she was home sick and didn't even go to work today. She showered, got them showered, and brought them to church just for an hour and a half. That's pretty cool! Her kiddos are lots of fun to be around and seem to enjoy everything that they are a part of.
What's interesting about all of this is that I still am in the same spot spiritually. There hasn't been any significant amount of growth happening in the past couple of weeks. I still pray and talk to God about me, but it's just the same ole' same ole'. Nothing new to pray about regarding myself...maybe there is something to be said for persistence. I don't know..there's just not a desire there to spend time with God..it feels more like something I have to do. Yet most of me wants to keep going in the direction of the house..I just don't know what else I can do to get there. Yet again, there are no steps. Maybe that's why the Prodigal couldn't go any father.
What does trust in God look like anyway? Is it really possible to trust God with some things and not with others? Maybe I'm just using that as a crutch...maybe trust isn't the issue. I don't know. I think I'm just trying to figure it all out and it's been going on too long. In fact, I even thought about closing down this blog because of the length of my struggle. I have a feeling that people are tired of it and I don't want to wear people out. However, it's nice to sort things out on here and hear comments and encouragement.
I'm not in a bad place right now...just unsettled.
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2 comments:
We have shared alot of common ground my friend as you know. I am at a place right now where stuff is stirring amd a lil bit of movement is happening I am scared out of my beeswax lol but thrilled even more!! My plea quick for you to please stay, please keep sharing I am not trying to be dramatic i just want you to know I so love to read your thoughts and understand why you feel this blog might wear people out. I really appreciate your geuine openness even when you feel like your not sure what. Just my 2 cents I will keep walking on with you!!!
echo Robert...
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