On My Own

Warning: This post is not intended to offend anyone in anyway. Nor is it meant to be prideful or arrogant.

If you are still reading, OK. Know that I am using this post to sort things out so it may be rather random and not very fluid. Today, I finally settled on the fact that my struggle is unique to me and while people may understand somewhat, they will not understand completely. I wouldn't want them to understand completely because they would have to have the same struggle that I have had and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. The Catch-22 is when I talk with people and share with them my struggles they don't understand and I get frustrated at them. Which isn't fair to those individuals who are doing the best they can to offer advice and suggestions to help me in my situation, whatever that may be. Realizing that people aren't fully going to understand, I don't need to be frustrated at them when they just "don't get it." So, with this realization I also realize that the only "person" who completely understands is God and that's all that should matter. I think one of the keys to not being so frustrated with other people when they don't "get it" is making a conscious effort to remind myself that God completely understands. He "gets it." I also need to remember the value that I have found in talking with other people regarding my struggle. They might not completely understand but they do offer great words of wisdom and that is priceless to me.

I'm not sure how all of this plays into my quest to "get closer to the porch" but I do know that it will change the way I interact with people. It might in some twisted way make it easier for me to talk to people and share my own experiences. Maybe not having the expectation that people will/should understand will enable that to happen. Who knows?

Also, a large part of me keeps thinking about going back to school. There's something very special to me about helping children and their families work through difficult situations and help them rebuild their family. There are pros and cons to the decision to go back to school. I'll keep praying on that one. It's just been in the forefront of my mind in the last few days.

And so it goes...