Thoughts Running Through My Mind

My struggle was/is necessary

My struggle would have happened even without the traumatic event. The event was just a catalyst that threw me into the struggle rather then introducing it to me gradually as would have happened without the event.

The only thing for certain in life is the character of God.

In my thankful list (3-4 things per day) I am now to consider the character of God in relation to my list. The gifts given tell a lot about the giver. For example, I'm not going to put that I am thankful for something bad that happens. So, is it possible that God's character isn't about bringing trouble upon people?

I am an all or nothing person. To me this whole trusting God is either all or nothing. Either I trust Him or I don't. That's a skewed way of thinking. Rather perhaps it should be that for today I trust God with the very small amount of trust that I have. I need to make the conscious effort to not be "all or nothing."

At the times that verses, songs, books, or spoken words cause my struggle to bubble back up, that doesn't mean I'm not making progress. It simply means that I have questions and that needs to be OK. I don't have to drag myself back through the mud every time the struggle reappears.

I have realized that no one is going to completely understand my struggle. God understands and that will have to be enough. I need to quit expecting other people to understand. Part of me wouldn't want them to.

I tend to gravitate toward those who have struggled or are struggling and to verses that talk about struggle. I think that's because they've been through the fire and have come out the other side. People who have a more "happy clappy" faith frustrate me, but I must remember that that is where they are in their relationship with Christ.

Thinking of God as "Papa", having that sort of intimate relationship with Him would be nice I think. There's something attractive to me about that kind of relationship. Not a big black woman who cooks, but just a Daddy who loves me and I trust Him.

And I wonder why I have a hard time concentrating on anything else?