Why is it that two of the best shows on TV, Grey's Anatomy and House have to incorporate some sort of homosexual agenda into their shows? Is that really necessary to keep the people watching the shows and keep the ratings up? It just frustrates me. When I was in high school and college, they did that with ER too. What's the purpose? I guess it's to be all inclusive of all types of people, so no one can say that those networks are prejudice. Whatever.
So, this weekend I have been reading the Shack for a second time. I have the privilege of going to hear the author this coming Monday morning and I wanted to read it again before I hear him speak. It's very interesting to read it a second time around after I have found myself in a different place then I was the first time I read it. For example the quote "honesty is messy" means something very different to me now than it did the first time I read it. When I read that sentence the first time, it was more of a "what to expect" kinda thing....that when I choose to be honest with God it will be messy. Now, it's a "been there done that" mentality and yes, it is extremely messy.
Yet there are other ways that I can see myself in the character of Mac. in his questions and his inability to trust God because he didn't understand how God worked and where He was and who He was when his daughter was murdered. Lack of trust seems to be the running theme in this novel. So, while some things are different, seen from a different perspective, some things are still the same the second time around.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Verses that Blow My Mind
Do you ever have those moments where something takes you back to your struggles...to those things you just don't understand? It happened to me last night and I'm still having a hard time navigating past it. Last night at Bible study I knew what the topic was going to be and I knew it wouldn't be easy. It was on storms of life and how to navigate through those storms. We have been talking about Noah and last night we talked about how most people's idea of the flood is a sweet children's story when in reality it was actually much worse than that. Anyway during the study we read several Scripture passages but two imparticular caught my attention.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2
I can't wrap my mind around these two verses. I don't buy them. How can anyway rejoice in their sufferings or consider it pure joy when they face trials? What the crap!!! I have tried looking at these verses from different angles but whatever way I look at them I always come back to the bottom line of what the words say. Do they actually mean that we are to rejoice as we suffer? I am trying not to read too much into the text, so I feel like the words on the page are telling me that I should rejoice in the suffering and in the trials because they are developing perseverance. To that I say....CRAP..there are other ways to learn perseverance surely then that.
Those passage as well as others just don't make sense to me. How can other people rest on what they read in Scripture and yet I still question it?
Things like this cause the hamsters to run. It makes me realize how far I still have to go. Why can't I just accept things as they are without having to be so damn analytical about everything?
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2
I can't wrap my mind around these two verses. I don't buy them. How can anyway rejoice in their sufferings or consider it pure joy when they face trials? What the crap!!! I have tried looking at these verses from different angles but whatever way I look at them I always come back to the bottom line of what the words say. Do they actually mean that we are to rejoice as we suffer? I am trying not to read too much into the text, so I feel like the words on the page are telling me that I should rejoice in the suffering and in the trials because they are developing perseverance. To that I say....CRAP..there are other ways to learn perseverance surely then that.
Those passage as well as others just don't make sense to me. How can other people rest on what they read in Scripture and yet I still question it?
Things like this cause the hamsters to run. It makes me realize how far I still have to go. Why can't I just accept things as they are without having to be so damn analytical about everything?
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Always Something
Whew...what a whirl-wind week it's been. Now at 10 o'clock tonight, everything has slowed down. It's nice to just sit here and type and watch TV, enjoying a few moments before bed. I've been asking myself lately why things are always happening in my life. Why can't things just go along nice and easy without so much complication? I think I make my life more complicated then it has to be. I have always been amazed at those people who can just take things as they are and go with that without having to analyze every stinking thing. It frustrates me so much that I do that.
So, after a helpful counseling session last Tuesday things at work are looking better. Great? No, but better. I am just trying to role with things as they are and do my job the best I can and support others as they do theirs. As far as the guy situation goes, we have been out a couple more times. We are taking things really slow which is nice. Usually I tend to get over-excited about a relationship and jump in with both feet. But this time, I am going slower and am not basing everything I do on that relationship. If something happens great, if not then that's OK too.
This whole school thing...I'm not sure what to do there. Part of me really wants to go back to school and get a Master's degree in counseling, but the other part of me doesn't want to read and write all those papers again. I don't think I want to go back to the same school where I got my other Master's, too much going on there. I think I would like to try somewhere different.
Life is just complicated right now. I can't even communicate all the complexities in this post. I'm still quite unsettled.
What's up with God? Well, I have taken a different direction in my prayers. Instead of focusing on my struggles when I pray I am focusing on what I am thankful for. Everyday I have to write down three to four things for which I am thankful. It's going well...right now that's not too hard to do, but I have a feeing that will change. It's hard to make a list everyday for three weeks and not repeat anything on the list. It still feels weird when I pray. I guess it just feels like empty words. I just feel very unworthy to be in the presence of God and don't really know what to say to Him.
My life...never boring...that's for sure
So, after a helpful counseling session last Tuesday things at work are looking better. Great? No, but better. I am just trying to role with things as they are and do my job the best I can and support others as they do theirs. As far as the guy situation goes, we have been out a couple more times. We are taking things really slow which is nice. Usually I tend to get over-excited about a relationship and jump in with both feet. But this time, I am going slower and am not basing everything I do on that relationship. If something happens great, if not then that's OK too.
This whole school thing...I'm not sure what to do there. Part of me really wants to go back to school and get a Master's degree in counseling, but the other part of me doesn't want to read and write all those papers again. I don't think I want to go back to the same school where I got my other Master's, too much going on there. I think I would like to try somewhere different.
Life is just complicated right now. I can't even communicate all the complexities in this post. I'm still quite unsettled.
What's up with God? Well, I have taken a different direction in my prayers. Instead of focusing on my struggles when I pray I am focusing on what I am thankful for. Everyday I have to write down three to four things for which I am thankful. It's going well...right now that's not too hard to do, but I have a feeing that will change. It's hard to make a list everyday for three weeks and not repeat anything on the list. It still feels weird when I pray. I guess it just feels like empty words. I just feel very unworthy to be in the presence of God and don't really know what to say to Him.
My life...never boring...that's for sure
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Jibberish
The past few days my head has been full. Things are just different right now. It's very difficult to put into words. I feel that I am challenging myself on a lot of things.
- Praying to God and reading Scripture when no one is there to ask me how it is going
- Growing in who I am as an employee and a minister
- Discovering more of my short comings and trying not to beat myself up over them
Those things are incredibly difficult for me to do. I have noticed an interesting trend however. It seems that when the connection line with God is broken off (prayer) there is a disconnect everywhere else too. There has been and continues to be a large unsettledness in my spirit right now. I feel like the majority of it is because I'm not spending time with God at all. For some reason it's difficult to do the things mentioned above when there is no one holding you accountable for those things. It's extremely hard to get back into the habit of spending time with God when it hasn't been done in so long and when I do spend time with Him it feels as if I am getting no where. So, part of me wonders why I would keep talking to God and keep reading Scripture when I feel like I am getting no closer to home. Then, I remember where I was when I couldn't even be in the same room with God and I see that there has been some significant progress made.
Why do I feel like I need someone to hold me accountable to spending some time with God? I think it's because I am not in the habit of doing so and it's extremely hard to do most days. I'm not talking about a "quiet time" just a prayer or a short Scripture passage would be progress.
What's up with the whole church thing? Ministry is hard. Whoever thinks differently is not doing it right. It's hard, no impossible, to meet everyone's demands and be all things to all people. I seem to have the opinion and I know I feel like I am not respected at work and that I'm not as important as everyone else. This past week I have been comparing myself to the other ministers, those who have been there the same about of time I have or those who haven't been there as long, I find that they seem to get more respect from the co-workers then I do. There are lots of variables that play into this, but it is what it is. Sometimes I just want to scream "I'M NOT STUPID. I HAVE A MASTER'S DEGREE TOO." I don't even think it has so much to do with my degree as it does with just me the person. I'm not really sure what all is going on there but hopefully things will improve.
I've also been on two dates in the past 5 days which has been nice. A little nerve-racking but nice. We shall see what happens. Oh and those dates were with two different guys.
So, there's a lot of unrest in Laura's life. I know I should keep putting one foot in front of the other but right now it feels like I'm stuck.
- Praying to God and reading Scripture when no one is there to ask me how it is going
- Growing in who I am as an employee and a minister
- Discovering more of my short comings and trying not to beat myself up over them
Those things are incredibly difficult for me to do. I have noticed an interesting trend however. It seems that when the connection line with God is broken off (prayer) there is a disconnect everywhere else too. There has been and continues to be a large unsettledness in my spirit right now. I feel like the majority of it is because I'm not spending time with God at all. For some reason it's difficult to do the things mentioned above when there is no one holding you accountable for those things. It's extremely hard to get back into the habit of spending time with God when it hasn't been done in so long and when I do spend time with Him it feels as if I am getting no where. So, part of me wonders why I would keep talking to God and keep reading Scripture when I feel like I am getting no closer to home. Then, I remember where I was when I couldn't even be in the same room with God and I see that there has been some significant progress made.
Why do I feel like I need someone to hold me accountable to spending some time with God? I think it's because I am not in the habit of doing so and it's extremely hard to do most days. I'm not talking about a "quiet time" just a prayer or a short Scripture passage would be progress.
What's up with the whole church thing? Ministry is hard. Whoever thinks differently is not doing it right. It's hard, no impossible, to meet everyone's demands and be all things to all people. I seem to have the opinion and I know I feel like I am not respected at work and that I'm not as important as everyone else. This past week I have been comparing myself to the other ministers, those who have been there the same about of time I have or those who haven't been there as long, I find that they seem to get more respect from the co-workers then I do. There are lots of variables that play into this, but it is what it is. Sometimes I just want to scream "I'M NOT STUPID. I HAVE A MASTER'S DEGREE TOO." I don't even think it has so much to do with my degree as it does with just me the person. I'm not really sure what all is going on there but hopefully things will improve.
I've also been on two dates in the past 5 days which has been nice. A little nerve-racking but nice. We shall see what happens. Oh and those dates were with two different guys.
So, there's a lot of unrest in Laura's life. I know I should keep putting one foot in front of the other but right now it feels like I'm stuck.
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