What in the World

That's what I've been saying for the last couple of days. In the last day I have begun to develop a friendship with someone who I think I can really reach out to. She has a very difficult past and is determined to rebuild her life. I applaud her for her determination and her toughness. She wants to build a better life for her and her son. For some reason, at this point in time God has put her in my life. I don't understand why. But I really think I can help her. The problem is that when friendships like this occur, I tend to get very out of balance with those friendships. My strong desire to help people tends to outweigh my necessity to look out for myself. In doing this time and time again, I have gotten hurt time and time again and quite frankly it sucks. She is fearful of getting hurt in one way and I find myself somewhat guarded in my friendship with her. I want to help her in any way I can, but I don't want that to bite me in the butt later. She is so hesitant to reach out to anyone...to build a relationship with anyone that I don't want to hurt her. But I am fearful that one day I will do that. However, based on my journey with God and where I am at in that journey, I think I can help her with hers....even though they look very different.

Things are just so upside-down right now. Last night I attended the 2nd week of my Bible study on Boundaries. I know this friendship will give me a great opportunity to practice those boundaries. But, it scares me to death. I don't want to change who I am, but yet part of me feels like I need to. I just don't know anymore. Based on what I have learned so far, I don't have very good boundaries. I actually already knew that...hence why I'm taking the class. But seeing it on paper is something different.

I always find myself asking, "how does this all relate to God?" I think God is teaching me things, I just can't quite figure out what it is. God is God. I am not. He loves me and is always with me whether I'm upside-down or right-side up. That much I have figured out. I don't know what He's up to right now. This is where it gets hard to trust...when I can't see what is in front of me nor do I know what path I am on. Yet He's in control and I need to rest in that. But, man, that's so hard to do.