What Page Am I On?

The last few weeks have been interesting. Having a much slower schedule than at any other time during the year, has afforded me lots of time to think and process things. I was asked earlier tonight if I could explain what pages I am on in my journey to better understand God and how He works. A month or so ago I came to the realization that no one is going to completely understand my struggle. That’s impossible. However, living in that knowledge is something totally different. The last two weeks or so, I have been living in that reality. It’s opened my eyes to several different things. The other day I got a new Bible…not that I needed one, but I have wanted a different version for a while. On the front of the Bible I had engraved 1 Chronicles 16:11. I have quoted that verse many times to myself throughout the last couple of weeks. :”Search for the Lord and his strength, continually seek Him.” This doesn’t say look to my friends or look to myself, or look to anybody else, except the Lord. That’s so difficult for me to do. The last two weeks, I’ve tried very hard to just seek the Lord because there haven’t been people around for me to talk to. It’s actually turned out OK.

I realized that no one completely understands what’s going on except for God. He gets it. Even though I can’t hear Him and get the immediate response from Him like I can from people whom I talk to, He understands.

Here’s another thought. For some odd reason, I think that I make more progress in processing things when I keep them to myself instead of talking to others. When I talk to others I feel like I am just going in circles and I know that people get frustrated in hearing the same things over and over and over. I was told a couple of weeks ago in not so many words that I was preventing a dear friend of mine from moving forward in her own journey. Ouch. Those words hurt but once I recovered from the shock and thought about the comment that she made, that was a true statement that kicked me in my butt. That’s also the last thing I wanted to do. I don’t want to inhibit anyone else’s progress in their own spiritual journey. So with that statement I made the decision to work on relying on God more rather than on other people.

I’m still not sure how all this is going to turn out. Everyday I have to remind myself of 1 Chronicles 16:11. I guess that’s something else my blue bracelet reminds me of. God gets it, even when no one else does.