On the Porch

Wow, writing that title is scary enough in and of itself. To make a long story short, I was told last Tuesday by my counselor that I have reached the porch. What the crap?!? That thought is terrifying some days...actually most days, but even though it doesn't feel like it, I am taking him at his word. So, Tuesday I was told I was on the porch. Late Tuesday night I received a phone call from a lady at our Christian Women's Job Corp asking me if I would share my testimony the next morning. I asked her how long I would need to speak for (thinking about 15 minutes) and she said an hour. Whoa...what in the world? What am I going to tell these ladies for an hour? Anyway, I told them my story. Not just how I became a Christian, but where I am at right now in my relationship with God. That was the first time I had ever told anyone my story other than my close friends. I wanted to share my story with these ladies to offer them some glimpse of hope in their own lives. So, I ended up talking for 45 minutes and did an OK job. I felt like that was a pretty big step in my relationship with God to tell people my story.

Fast forward to Saturday. Our city hosted a concert where Francis Chan, Kirk Cameron, David Crowder, and Chris Tomlin performed. It was rainy and cold, but well worth it. As Francis was speaking I realized that I was holding on so tightly to the need to be in control that I was scared to let God actually do what He does. After listening to Francis and a little Chris Tomlin, I was moved to tears to let go of my need to control things and give it to God. I wrote down what I surrendered on my commitment card and I also wrote that I committed to fall in love with God all over again. That's a HUGE thing! I think the porch is a place where God and I can hang out and I can love Him again. I want to love God like I see other people loving God. I wan to love God as He is the most important part of my life and that He is a part of everything I do.

So, now I only email my counselor if I need to come in. That's kinda scary too, but I've got some great friends and a great God who will help me each and every day. Will the days be easy? Heck no. But I'm still taking things one day at a time...trusting God with what I have for that day...and that is enough.